May 20, 2005

I hate it when people over hype stuff like movies. I mean tell me it's coming out and let me see a trailer, but please do not f'ing show me the entire movie in the trailer, don't get me going on that one, damn, they mess up more movies for me that way... Ok sorry I am in one of my moods. So don't try and get me all excited about a movie before I see it because I will alway be disappointed if I go in thinking it is going to be the best whatever type of movie it is. Period. I wish Hollywood would figure that out. You can say it rocks, or it is exciting, or touching, or whatever, but do not say it is the BEST! because I will bet you money it will not be. Ok so I go see Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith. It has only been out a day so I am not listening to other peoples feedback, I am listening to the critics and the Hollywood hype. Well once again they billed it as the best Star Wars movie. Bull S! It was maybe the best of the new 3 but maybe not. If I had sat through one more moonie-eyed scene with Anakin struggling to decide whether he should become Darth Vader, I would have screamed. If you did a directors cut of this movie and took out one hour, 60 stupid ass minutes of close ups of Hayden Christensen's brooding face, and left most everything else, it might actually be a good movie, but maybe not. It would definitely be better then the first two 'new' Star Wars movies. Come to think of it if you cut those down as well you might be able to combine all three new Star Wars movies into two decent ones.

May 18, 2005

1. Witty and Charming
2. Rich and Powerful
3. Benevolent
4. Clairvoyant
5. F' Dinner
6. Patriotic
7. Crank Up the Enola Gay
8. Witty and Charming, Part II
9. Invisible
10. Bulletproof

I miss the good old days when I could drink all I wanted and somehow survive. I hate the fact that now when I drink, I suffer. I use to be able to "Crank Up the Enola Gay" on a regular basis and occasionally be "Invisible" without having to worry about getting up the next day. Now if I so much as get "Clairvoyant", I am done. So what happened to me? Age. I got old man, f’ing old. One day I was young and drunk, the next I was an old man. I am glad I made it this far and hope to make it farther but being old sucks. And this light weight stuff sucks too, but at least now I save a lot of money on beer. So enjoy it while you can because it sneaks up on everyone.

May 17, 2005

I am ripping off Donna Rosato of MONEY Magazine by stealing her “The 21 steps” article…

The 21 steps - Try these steps to get your career in motion.

March 17, 2005: 4:03 PM EST - By Donna Rosato, MONEY Magazine

NEW YORK (MONEY Magazine) - Check out these ways to stay current and -- who knows? -- start pulling ahead.

• STAY CURRENT - Doing it.
• FEAR NOT THE BLOG - Don't.
• DRESS LIKE YOU MEAN IT - Is ghetto chic ok?
• BE A MENTOR - Sort of.
• ASSOCIATE WITH DOERS - Used to (the people I hang with use to be the movers and shakers, but of late they are sliding down the food chain, hummmm, might be a reason for this…)
• REDECORATE - Is ghetto chic ok?
• SPEAK UP - I use to but lately I find it hard to.
• THINK POSITIVE - Oops.
• ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVES - Typically wear short sleeves or a t-shirt.
• FILL EMPTY SPACE - My cube is already full.
• SEND A MESSAGE - Do spit balls count.
• MAKE A CO-WORKER OBSOLETE - My co-workers got there first.
• TAKE A CLASS - Does yoga count?
• BE THE MOTIVATOR YOUR BOSS DOESN'T HAVE TIME TO BE - aaaah…
• MAKE E-MAIL STAND OUT - Dude, all those links I send out to cool pictures, jokes, and downloads rock!
• ALWAYS BRING A CARD - Shit, they gave me 250 when I got here 5 years ago, I have 247 left, so I have got plenty of those…
• SIGN UP – For what?
• JOIN THE CLUB - Got my Safeway card right here, saves me up to 5%.
• GO OVERSEAS - Love the islands, can I go there?
• SEEK CRITICISM - Don't have to, it finds me.
• JUST MOVE ON - And when you land that job, reading this article will be completely unnecessary.

I wonder if this is a sign that I have some serious work issues?

I wish more people would just say what they mean. Not what they want to mean or what they think I want them to mean, but what they actually mean. Like if you are not actually sorry I hurt myself then do not say you are sorry, you do not have to say anything, but if you do feel like speaking then speak your mind. You could say "that looked like it hurt" or "man, I'm glad I did not do that" or "that's going to leave a mark", I do not care what but speak your mind. I am constantly getting into trouble because I assume that if someone says something they actually mean it. Like if a girl would say to me she needs to wash her hair, that she actually needed to wash her hair (yes I know this is a BS excuse and brush off I just need an example). So please do me the favor of telling me exactly what you think or remain silent. Oh you can sugar coat it to spare my feelings if you feel you have to but just don't obscure the meaning. I recently went through this. There was a problem, every one felt they "had" to say something, so they spewed a bunch of BS, which I interpreted to be ether their actual opinions or what they thought I was gullible enough to believe. Turns out it was just what they wished was the truth, how they wanted it to have happened, a protective fantasy if you will. So from the time they all said there bits, until I found out that they were lying for personal reconstruction of history to protect their own opinions of themselves, I ran around all pissed of and confused. Thanks guys. I can always use a good laugh at myself, especially after a panic attack. Thanks, my heart needed the exercise.

May 16, 2005

I hate when life throws a curve ball at you you are not ready for. It has been a while since I posted, mainly because I am lazy and partly because I have way to many balls in the air, but it has been too long. That said the other day things changed dramatically at work. I guess it was not truly unexpected, I actually was given credit by a friend today for predicting it months in advance (not sure that's true), but it still snuck up on me and I was truly not ready for it. And the odd thing is that this change does not directly involve me. Anyway now everything at work looks and feels different. But back to this posting. I hate it when things change. I get use to the way things are. I may not understand the status quo, may not even like it sometimes, but I am use to it. Then life comes along and changes things. Sometimes that change may even be better for the people involved, sometimes not, but I still just hate the newness of it all. It's like having to move, it may be a great new spot but I always miss the old one. I guess it's the Virginian in me, like the (bad) old joke: "How many Virginians does it take to change a light bulb? 5, 1 to change it and 4 to sit around sipping Bourbon reminiscing about how good the old one was." So while I hope the new arrangement is better for those effected, I selfishly hate the effect it has on me. And inevitably that change is going to force me to adjust and make changes of my own which I will also hate for the mere fact that they are changes to. Man it is like one gigantic house of cards and some asshole just had to mess with one that just looked like it was not right. Oh well, to miss quote a parted acquaintance: viva the change!

May 10, 2005

April 7, 2005

Ok so my car has a broken windshield. So what. This guy at work is giving me grief because I have not had it fixed. It does not seem to bother him that my bumper is held on by duct tape, but the windshield has got to go. Why? I figure its going to cost me a couple hundred dollars to have ‘Safelite Auto Glass’ or www.autoglassnational.com come out to my car and do a windshield replacement, and what do I get for my trouble? A new rock kicked up by some big ass truck that never knows it just cost me $200. What’s the point. I have to get it fixed to pass inspection but until then what good dose it do me. So I figure I will wait until inspection time then get it fixed and not worry about it until then. So let the rocks fly for the next couple of months because I do not care.

I hate work getting in the way of life.

I hate fixing cars.

I hate having to type ideas down.

I hate all the mundane stuff filling the hours of my day so I can nothing done.

I hate BS that is just there to give someone else something to do.

I hate meetings.

I hate the little minded people dragging broader minded people down to their level.

I hate thinking no one will read this.

I hate finding out that people have.

I hate all the hate in the world.

I hate over hyped movies.

April 1, 2005

I hate hypocritical vegetarians. I don’t mind sincere ones but the ones who wear leather shoes and drink a glass of milk while telling you that eating meat is cruel, just piss me off. I mean if you want to wear nothing but polyester and eat organically grown veggies, good for you, but me give me a big slab of meat, a leather coat, and maybe even some silk. It’s funny to hear how cruel we meat eaters are from people who think they would be helping cows by stopping us from killing them for food, and them not even giving a second thought to dairy, silk, and all the other animal products they use every day. Have they stopped to think that every single cow in this country except for a choice few would all be killed over night if they had no monetary value? Those sucker are expensive and messy to keep, and I guarantee every last one of them right down to the baby calves would be dead in 48 hours if they where no longer useful. I mean you might see one in a zoo, oops I guess if we go that far zoos would have been outlawed as inhumane treatment already, so no they all would be gone. Next time some pretty little PETA member tells you to put down the steak, tell them you will if she will take off every piece of animal product clothing she has on, silk panties, blouse, leather shoes,…

Hey this could be good. I might even learn to like these cow huggers after all.

You know why the best part of many movies is the trailers to before that movie? Because the trailers are manufactured to contain the exact proportion's of action, suspense, drama, and comedy to get you excited, and they leave no room for downtime.

After the trailers is what? The movie? Wrong. You've never seen a movie. What you've seen are extended trailers.

What? Yes. Long trailers.

The sole purpose of those trailer is to get you excited enough that you're willing to sit though that trailer's sequel. That's all there is to it.

But, you say, not all movies have sequels, so they can't all be trailers.

Wrong, I say. Those movies are trailers for an other, more sinister, purpose. Those movies are trailers for future work from the directors, producers, and all them actors.

So what you get is a single bad movie spawning dozens, if not hundreds, of new movies.... you know what scientist call that?

An epidemic that's about to kill us all.

I bet somebody is already making a trailer about it.

March 31, 2005

I hate modern cars. I remember when there was actual steel (made in the USA I might add) in a car. When you had a car accident there was crumpled metal, bent, folded, twisted, metal. None of this plastic rap we have now. When there was a fender bender, your fender was bent. It did not break in half, or shatter like so much glass, it bent. Sometimes you could bend it back (a man could, and not some girly man ether) and drive away. Plus if you drove over an accident sight there was not stuff everywhere that could screw-up someone’s tire. Ether the cars could be driven away, in which case the only evidence of an accident was the head/tail light glass, or they had to be towed away in which case the few pieces (large pieces) that did come off could be picked up by the tow truck driver. Now with DC traffic what it is plus the idiots we have driving here there is shattered fenders and bumpers (plus head/tail light glass) at every damn intersection. It looks like Mogadishu out there. And don't even get me started on the stuff you see on the side of the road.

Ford, GM, Chrysler, you guys listening? I know Honda and Mitsubishi are not going to do anything about this.

I hate those plastic bags they put on men’s magazines in 7 Eleven. I go in to get my morning caffeine, I'm waiting in line and there is this incredibly attractive woman wearing no clothes, who just happens to have big tits, and I can not pick the damn magazine up and look at the pictures for a few minutes while I wait. What the hell is that all about? I mean it's not like I can buy the damn thing, my wife would kill me, plus who wants to own it anyway. I just want 3 minutes of quality time. I think the people at, Maxim, FHM, Playboy, and Penthouse should get rid of the bags. Screw prudish old women, I mean kids need to learn that stuff somewhere don’t they?

I hate wires. They always get tangled. For example, take those silly ear-wax collectors that podpeople wear. Now grab some scissors and cut the wires. Trust me, they'll thank you.

When I get a chance I'm going to invent wires that can't tangle. Screw wireless, that means more batteries to charge, and if you think it's easy to misplace your remote control, good luck finding your lost $300 wireless ear-wax collectors. Who would stuff those things back in their ears after finding them on the dirt and old McDonald's infested floor of their car anyway? Stupid podpeople, that's who.

March 30, 2005

I hate email attachments. Why must people send me a file attachments large enough to feed a small third-world country? Then they complain when I don't get the file.

If the file was so damn important, the best thing to do is to make it easier for me to find by adding something valuable to the file. If you're into helping the needy, put your social security number and credit card numbers in the file. If you are into art, put those naked pictures of your significant other in it. Then move the file to some random directory on your hard drive so you know you'll never see it again, and assume it must have been deleted. Or just delete it. It doesn't really matter. By the time you pasted those numbers or photos into the file, I'll be able to download it from BitTorrent, EDonkey, Napster, Pornster, Funkster, Sharezilla, FileMonger, BitBitch, TonsOPorn, ClamBake, PersianKitty,and every other dark part of the Internet that I never go to.