June 14, 2005

I hate the jurors in modern celebrity trials! Ok, you have seen the news, you now know that Michael Jackson was acquitted of all charges in his molestation case. The jury said they did not have enough evidence to convict him. WOW! And now that I think of it O.J. Simpson's jury did not have enough evidence ether. Oh and nether did Robert Blake's... Damn. There may be a pattern here. Oh I know, if you are famous and you commit a crime idiots on the jury will be blinded by your over paid lawyer's B.S. and not be able to see the evidence the prosecuter presents. And if you are a minority celebrity, they have even more trouble hearing logical arguments because they are sooooo sure that it is a giant conspiracy to persecute rich successful minority celebrities, you know to keep them from getting uppity. Damn I hate this sh*t! If I was Dave Chappelle right now, I would capitalize on my fame and current "unstable" condition and rob a bank. Hell while I was at it I would molest one of the tellers. Then, when and if I was ever charged, I would just let some over hyped California lawyer talk me out of trouble. Hell, every single person involved would come out ahead. The people in the bank would all write books; the teller I violated would write a book, do the talk show circuit, and become a motivational speaker; the jurors would all go on TV, 1/2 would write books, and at least 2 would end up as jury consultants; the lawyers for both sides would earn enough from the hype and resulting turmoil to retire on; the judge would ultimately move up the food chain because he handle such a high profile case sooooo well; all the media outlets would print money on the pre-trial, trial, and post trial B.S. that they would love me for years; and me, the bank robbing teller violating nut job, would go on with my career, but since I was wrongly accused and acquitted, my fan base would be exceedingly loyal. I am telling you no-one loses out on these things! Oh, except the American justice system, which is currently sprawled out with a ice pack and a cold steak on it's giant black eye.