April 1, 2005

You know why the best part of many movies is the trailers to before that movie? Because the trailers are manufactured to contain the exact proportion's of action, suspense, drama, and comedy to get you excited, and they leave no room for downtime.

After the trailers is what? The movie? Wrong. You've never seen a movie. What you've seen are extended trailers.

What? Yes. Long trailers.

The sole purpose of those trailer is to get you excited enough that you're willing to sit though that trailer's sequel. That's all there is to it.

But, you say, not all movies have sequels, so they can't all be trailers.

Wrong, I say. Those movies are trailers for an other, more sinister, purpose. Those movies are trailers for future work from the directors, producers, and all them actors.

So what you get is a single bad movie spawning dozens, if not hundreds, of new movies.... you know what scientist call that?

An epidemic that's about to kill us all.

I bet somebody is already making a trailer about it.